63. Polish Professor

A guy called to ask a question about our snack at work today.  The below post is as close to verbatim as I can get it. My responses weren't as curt in real life, but I found more importance in what he said so I edited them as such.

"Hello my darling. Can you hear me? My name is ____ and I am from Poland. Are you Polish miss?"

"No. I am not sir." I reply.

"Well, not everyone can be so lucky, but I'm sure you're lucky in other ways. I am calling about your (snack.) I am staying with a friend and the bag he has of your snack has just expired recently. Is it still safe to eat?"

(It's a dry food so I said that I assume so yes.)

"Goot. Goot. I am going to microwave it a beet to help it be fresh. I am an English Professor in Warsaw you know. Have been for 50 years. That means that if you know someone from Poland who speaks English they learned it from me! What is your name again?"

"Jessica."

"Jessica. Lovely name for a lovely girl. I'm sure a lovely, smart girl. Where are you located, Jessica?"

"Chicago."

"Are you scared?"

"No. Why would I be?"

"I have a friend who is from the South Side. They say lots of shootings and very cold."

"It is very cold, but I live up north. It's not so bad there."

"Well that's good. You be safe now. I am in California. There are lots of brown people. They all speak Spanish. Do you speak Spanish, Jessica?"

"Very little, Professor."

"You should speak Spanish. More and more your country is filling with brown people. It is your job as a people to be one with your other people. It builds unity you know? Lean Spanish. Even if you don't speak it often."

"I'll try, Professor."

"Good girl. I let you go now. Be safe you hear? Thank you for answering my questions and tell that president of yours to stop being so nosy. My country is my country. Yours is yours you know?"

"I understand, Professor."

"Be well my dear. I hope I meet you again!"

"You too, sir, and likewise!"