67. Plastic Framed Glasses

When I was 15 my dad forbade me to go to concerts because he knew of what went on at them, like people playing music.Still, I had this amazing ability to befriend people older than me who looked respectable and were great liars. That's a long way of saying I went to shows anyway.

On one such event I was at this Battle of the Bands at the Worcester Palladium in I think 2003. I had never been to such a scene and I'm sure I looked like the obnoxious teenager that I felt like. Anyway, I was hanging out at the outskirts of a mosh pit during a punk set when the girl next to me asked me if I wanted in. I'd never been in a pit before. It looked fun enough and I'm not one to turn down an adventure so I said sure.

Within seconds I was skanking and flailing in circle. I felt this type of aggression I didn't understand then boil up in me like it had been simmering for a while. The band called back lyrics they wanted us to repeat and with a fist in the air I screamed them at the top of my lungs, feeling my voice in a way that was foreign to me until that moment.

Moments later I hit the ground. I'm not sure exactly what happened but I could feel people running over me. My glasses were gone and I couldn't see feet in front of me. As soon as it happened I felt someone yank me up and put my glasses back in my hand. I looked at him. He was young though not nearly as young as me, round in the belly and had tattooed sleeves. The white letters on his black shirt read, "BEER." He had glasses almost identical to mine.

"I saw you go down. You OK Sweetheart?" He asked.

"Yeah I think so." I replied.

"Wanna go back in?"

I smiled. "Yes please!"

Like that I was back in the throes of the mass.

It would take almost a decade for me to understand why people were so against the establishment, and for me to feel it to the same degree. That night, however, I learned the quickest way to feel safe anywhere is to befriend one of the scarier looking fucks you could find. That's the guy with manners. That guy will get you home if that's where you want to go, and if not, he's happy to be the paternal push back into the pit.