34. Alex

Alex binged last weekend in a way she promised herself she wouldn't do, but after the dust settled she awoke with a sense of unprecedented clarity.

I'm dancing around our kitchen listening to her hip hop mix and making coffee. My heel-toe movements extend up past my knees and I feel the curve of my otherwise thin body. Our home has been a portrait of womanhood- the good and the bad parts.

"I think I need to break up with Pat." she says to me looking up from her laptop and taking a sip of her water.

I stir my sugar in.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I never see him. He makes no effort to see me, and we don't have sex anymore. It's like, what's the point. I could keep him as a friend and then maybe land someone that makes me feel wanted you know?"

They haven't been together that long and while I'm all for giving a dude a shot, I've noticed a theme in my later twenties, especially with women. Gone are the days where we are willing to accept whatever is given because it's better than nothing. Why? Because it's not better than nothing. Not saying that you shouldn't give time to a situation to see how it pans out but to quote my best friend, "If it makes you miserable, it's not worth it, no matter what it is."

I take a sip of my coffee and walk back to the small couch where she's seated. I curl up and grab a the blanket that rests neatly on its top.

"Is it making you miserable?"

She looks at me. "Yeah, it's making me really miserable."

"Well then, you know what to do kid."

And that's what confidence is. It's walking away from something that makes you consistently unhappy trusting that something better is on the other side somewhere. It's also a exercise complex- not being afraid to try something just because the task seems daunting at first.